Want to hear the story not yet told? I remember telling you about the morning I told Kyle I was pregnant with Leah. You know, the accident baby. The, “aw crap – what did we do” baby. (Don’t worry, we like her). Well, this little baby was quite the opposite. She was the try…and try… and try again baby. The one we prayed for every night for four months. The one we had to go through an entire Holiday season with family asking us when we were adding on – little did they know how hard we were trying.
But don’t worry – it has a happy ending! With a lot of prayer, and a lot of faith, and not lacking a lot of tears – we got our Quinn. And we are so thankful for her. We learned a lot about just who Creates life – and that is most certainly not us.
So without further ado:
The morning I took the test, February 17th, I was dying. Did you see that, February! Go figure it was that month. I had been charting, because I’ve always done that and I’m into that. I like to know what’s going on inside me. To give you a summary – with charting you take your temperature to see where you are in any given cycle. It’s low in the beginning, then shoots up after you ovulate (ie, can make a baby). If you made a baby it stays high, if you didn’t it drops. And the cycle starts over. So I had been watching… high, high, high, lower, lower, lower, lower – bummer – I clued Kyle in. We’re out. Again. Done-zo. Not our month. On to March. But one morning when it should have been the lowest…. it was high. The highest yet. That was not right. I had had a couple mornings previous to that that made me think just maybe – but you can’t fake a temperature – and I watched our chances get lower and lower every day. However, on this day, hope came shooting back.
I beamed out of bed. Well, as much beaming as you can do at 5am without waking your husband. “Is this seriously happening?” I crept into the bathroom, crept into my stash of tests, and crept out of the bathroom and into the guest bathroom. I didn’t want him to hear a thing. After all, I had convinced him it was game over. I didn’t want him to get excited for nothing. I did my thing, hands shaking. Set it on the counter – and got the heck out. I walked circles for three minutes. I had thoughts of, “oh my gosh this isn’t happening” and “oh my gosh, WE’RE PREGNANT.” It was torture. Way worse than Leah’s wait.
Three minutes and I walked back into the bathroom. I couldn’t look. But I had to.
“Is that, IS THAT A LINE?!?!?!”
It was maybe the most faint second line in the history of pregnancy tests… but it was a line! I had to edit it just so you could see it.
I stood there for a long time. I held it up to every light I could find. I squinted my eyes. I looked at my shocked/excited self in the mirror. Then I hid the test in a pile of dirty clothes (to show Kyle later), and I crept back into bed.
We had church that morning, and I wanted to wait until then to tell Kyle. I thought it’d be fun to pass him a little note and him not be able to say anything back. Not in a mean way, but I wanted him to soak it all in like I got to for so long.
Getting ready was torture. Can he tell? He totally knows. I look pregnant. Don’t smile too much!
He had no idea, no one worry.
I was shaking all through church. I was trying to listen, but I had a couple other things on my mind. I believe God understood. Finally, I got the nerve. There was a spot in the note taking section of our bulletin with two blanks on it. Perfect for, “we’re pregnant.” And I wrote it. With rather sloppy handwriting I might add, thank you shaking hands. Usually he looked over when he saw me writing to make sure I got the right answer I guess. This time he didn’t.
So I nudged him. And pointed.
“What?! You’re pregnant? Did you take a test?” He said in a whisper. I just nodded. I wanted him to soak it in – and shut up before we got in trouble.
“You are?! Really? When did you take the test? We’re pregnant?!”
I just nodded and smiled.
“Wow, that’s exciting. You’re really pregnant? I thought you weren’t? When did you take the test, this morning? Before I got up? I didn’t hear you.”
Oh my gosh, Kyle, shut up – We’re in church!
Ok, so maybe my plan was a horrible idea. But it was fun to see him excited. It was in stark contrast to the silence he gave me when I told him I was pregnant with Leah.
When he finally shut up, he grabbed my hand, and we smiled and pretended to listen through the rest of the sermon.
I took a few more tests over the next few days – just to make sure:
In order left to right. The last one is my favorite. I was so pregnant my test line beat the control line! Ya!
(Don’t judge me – I had to use all my pregnancy tests sometime…)
And here we are.
Tuesday we met the little girl we made in the worst month of the year. Perhaps now it will get into my good graces. When we set out on this “let’s make a baby journey” we were kind of hoping for a September or October baby. I told Kyle in no way did I want a winter baby. If we didn’t get pregnant in January we were going to wait and pick back up again in June. But when those couple months passed, do you think I could stop trying? Heck no. And now it seems like it doesn’t even matter. We learned to let Quinn’s Creator be in charge of her birthday. He probably knows what’s best for her and our family anyways.
And that is that.
I love you little girl. I have loved you since you were a faint pink line on a pregnancy test at 5am, and I cannot wait to see what you hold for us; where you’ll fit in our family. We prayed for you and waited for you (rather impatiently) for four months – and now we only have about that long until you’re with us. You might not be coming in October, but I will most definitely take you November 1st.
The perfect day for a birthday.