Monthly Archives: June 2013

The Making of a Quinn.

Want to hear the story not yet told? I remember telling you about the morning I told Kyle I was pregnant with Leah. You know, the accident baby. The, “aw crap – what did we do” baby. (Don’t worry, we like her). Well, this little baby was quite the opposite. She was the try…and try… and try again baby. The one we prayed for every night for four months. The one we had to go through an entire Holiday season with family asking us when we were adding on – little did they know how hard we were trying.

But don’t worry – it has a happy ending! With a lot of prayer, and a lot of faith, and not lacking a lot of tears – we got our Quinn. And we are so thankful for her. We learned a lot about just who Creates life – and that is most certainly not us.

So without further ado:

The morning I took the test, February 17th, I was dying. Did you see that, February! Go figure it was that month. I had been charting, because I’ve always done that and I’m into that. I like to know what’s going on inside me. To give you a summary – with charting you take your temperature to see where you are in any given cycle. It’s low in the beginning, then shoots up after you ovulate (ie, can make a baby). If you made a baby it stays high, if you didn’t it drops. And the cycle starts over. So I had been watching… high, high, high, lower, lower, lower, lower – bummer – I clued Kyle in. We’re out. Again. Done-zo. Not our month. On to March. But one morning when it should have been the lowest…. it was high. The highest yet. That was not right. I had had a couple mornings previous to that that made me think just maybe – but you can’t fake a temperature – and I watched our chances get lower and lower every day. However, on this day, hope came shooting back.

I beamed out of bed. Well, as much beaming as you can do at 5am without waking your husband. “Is this seriously happening?” I crept into the bathroom, crept into my stash of tests, and crept out of the bathroom and into the guest bathroom. I didn’t want him to hear a thing. After all, I had convinced him it was game over. I didn’t want him to get excited for nothing. I did my thing, hands shaking. Set it on the counter – and got the heck out. I walked circles for three minutes. I had thoughts of, “oh my gosh this isn’t happening” and “oh my gosh, WE’RE PREGNANT.” It was torture. Way worse than Leah’s wait.

Three minutes and I walked back into the bathroom. I couldn’t look. But I had to.

“Is that, IS THAT A LINE?!?!?!”

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It was maybe the most faint second line in the history of pregnancy tests… but it was a line! I had to edit it just so you could see it.

I stood there for a long time. I held it up to every light I could find. I squinted my eyes. I looked at my shocked/excited self in the mirror. Then I hid the test in a pile of dirty clothes (to show Kyle later), and I crept back into bed.

And smiled.

We had church that morning, and I wanted to wait until then to tell Kyle. I thought it’d be fun to pass him a little note and him not be able to say anything back. Not in a mean way, but I wanted him to soak it all in like I got to for so long.

Getting ready was torture. Can he tell? He totally knows. I look pregnant. Don’t smile too much!

He had no idea, no one worry.

I was shaking all through church. I was trying to listen, but I had a couple other things on my mind. I believe God understood. Finally, I got the nerve. There was a spot in the note taking section of our bulletin with two blanks on it. Perfect for, “we’re pregnant.” And I wrote it. With rather sloppy handwriting I might add, thank you shaking hands. Usually he looked over when he saw me writing to make sure I got the right answer I guess. This time he didn’t.

Ugh.

So I nudged him. And pointed.

Heart racing.

“What?! You’re pregnant? Did you take a test?” He said in a whisper. I just nodded. I wanted him to soak it in – and shut up before we got in trouble.

“You are?! Really? When did you take the test? We’re pregnant?!”

Kyle, shhhh!

I just nodded and smiled.

“Wow, that’s exciting. You’re really pregnant? I thought you weren’t? When did you take the test, this morning? Before I got up? I didn’t hear you.”

Oh my gosh, Kyle, shut up – We’re in church!

Ok, so maybe my plan was a horrible idea. But it was fun to see him excited. It was in stark contrast to the silence he gave me when I told him I was pregnant with Leah.

When he finally shut up, he grabbed my hand, and we smiled and pretended to listen through the rest of the sermon.

I took a few more tests over the next few days – just to make sure:

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In order left to right. The last one is my favorite. I was so pregnant my test line beat the control line! Ya!

(Don’t judge me – I had to use all my pregnancy tests sometime…)

And here we are.

Tuesday we met the little girl we made in the worst month of the year. Perhaps now it will get into my good graces. When we set out on this “let’s make a baby journey” we were kind of hoping for a September or October baby. I told Kyle in no way did I want a winter baby. If we didn’t get pregnant in January we were going to wait and pick back up again in June. But when those couple months passed, do you think I could stop trying? Heck no. And now it seems like it doesn’t even matter. We learned to let Quinn’s Creator be in charge of her birthday. He probably knows what’s best for her and our family anyways.

And that is that.

I love you little girl. I have loved you since you were a faint pink line on a pregnancy test at 5am, and I cannot wait to see what you hold for us; where you’ll fit in our family. We prayed for you and waited for you (rather impatiently) for four months – and now we only have about that long until you’re with us. You might not be coming in October, but I will most definitely take you November 1st.

The perfect day for a birthday.

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Another One!

Can you believe it, two little girls!!

I am beside myself excited. Can’t stop smiling excited. Heart fluttering excited.

I’m in love with this little girl. Well, I have been – but now I can officially call her a little girl!

The “one of each” may have been fun, but I have always loved the idea of two girls. Sisters. There is nothing better. You are so very welcome, Leah. I think this is the best thing we could have done for you. Maybe someday we’ll have a boy – I don’t think we’re out of this baby making game – but today is not that day. And that is fine by me.

I love the spunk and sass of little girls. The little purses and painted nails. The shopping and buying. And have you seen my little girl? we’re not lacking any rough and tumble or sports enthusiasm. I’m sure I would love boys; but all I know is girls. And I can’t wait to add on.

Man, I’m glad today’s over. I’m sitting on my couch right now recovering from a long day of stewing. You remember stewing – it’s not just for Kyle. Just like with Leah, the 24 hours leading up to this ultrasound were terrifying. My thoughts shifted from boy or girl to just be okay. Just be healthy. Please have two arms and two legs and a strong heart. Please have a nose and a brain.

Good news… she does! Go, Quinn, Go!

Thank you, Jesus, for not one – but two perfect little girls. We are blessed parents and don’t take it for granted.

Quinn. Let me tell you a little bit about this little monkey. I call her monkey now because I feel like she very much is one. About a week ago I started getting these thoughts of, “ok, is she more crazy than Leah?! Is she moving more? Is she stronger?” You guys. She might just be. The ultrasound tech would back me up. She told us numerous times that she was a mover. The kid gets around in there. She would barely sit still enough for pictures; in fact, we only left with one kind of good one. Every time she got close to her face Quinn took her little hand, spread her fingers, and covered her face… you have got to be kidding me. She is something. Already. The tech also commented on her cute little feet – which I remember the same comments on Leah’s feet. Do they all comment on babies feet, or do we just make babies with exceptionally cute feet? I don’t know, but they were pretty darling.

I feel like she’s going to come out a handful. I feel like she’s really funny – or she thinks she is. I thought Leah would come out moving, be super strong, and hate sleep – and I was right on that one. We shall see if my instincts are right again. I’m a little scared at this point. My biggest cravings right now are hot sauce, cake, and alcohol – if that combination doesn’t scream handful I don’t know what does. Remember when she didn’t wake up til 10 -that has changed. Now she wakes me up at 430 almost every day. I usually lay there and laugh. And think to myself, “don’t they say the second is the lazy one??” I guess Proebsting babies don’t get the same memo’s as all the other babies. Also, she is supposed to be 10.5oz… she’s 14. Guess that’s where all the cake I eat goes.

I think I’m the most excited for Leah. Gosh, a sister. I told Kyle we wouldn’t stop making babies until she had one. So I guess it’s a good thing we’re getting it out of the way now. There is just nothing better for a girl than a sister – I know, I have one. And she’s pretty good at it. I can’t wait to see how their big sister/little sister relationship plays out. It’ll be fun for me to watch Leah take care of Quinn – hopefully as good as Lauren took care of me. She is already a pretty big fan. She loves to go in her room, pick her out clothes, and now look at her ultrasound pictures. I’m sure she’ll have moments, but I think she’s really going to love being a big sister.

Her dad is also pretty excited. And that makes me really happy. I didn’t know if he’d be let down without a little boy. However, with no prompting at all, he keeps telling me how happy he is and how fun it’s going to be. Which makes perfect sense in my mind, because he is a great dad for little girls. I could cry over that one if I think about it too long.

From here it’s onto the fun stuff! I can finally buy paint and furniture! I have it all decorated in my mind, just need to get out the credit card :). Kyle got a little excited tonight when it occurred to him that we already have girl clothes… then I reminded him that Leah’s short sleeve onsies aren’t going to work for Quinn in November. Poor guy. I do have some things she can use – but she’ll need some of her own, too. At this point with Leah, I felt like time really slowed down. This time I feel like it’s only going to get faster.

Kyle! We have to get moving!

Quinn is coming!

Guys! IT’S A SHE!

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Isn’t she so cute? And by “she” I mean her two fingers covering up her face.

She’s a mess.

 

 

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Selfish.

You know what’s different about this pregnancy? You know, besides… everything.

I’ve started to really realize how different I am approaching this little baby’s impending arrival.

My mind is working differently, my thoughts are not where they once were… I’ve turned…

Selfish!

Gasp!

With Leah – I wanted her to have the world waiting for her when she came out. The cutest clothes, the softest bedding, the most expensive gadgets – the best we could give her, I wanted her to have.

And this little baby; listen, little baby. I love you. A lot. And I want you to have great clothes and soft bedding and nice toys. I want the world waiting for you as well. But your sister filled me in on a pretty big secret. You, my friend, are going to rock my world when you come out. And I need to be ready for you.

I. Myself. Me.

I need the best gadgets, the softest bedding, and the most practical clothes.

I do.

You need very little.

You will require my time, and my patience, and my boobs. That’s about it.

And maybe a blanket.

And I will be outnumbered for the better part of every single day by you, your big sister, and your crazy brother. And I will fill you in on another secret… well, I forgot it. But it’s something about Happy Wife, Happy Life. (Only not a wife in your case…).

So I’ve started really shifting my focus, out of necessity. I remember how hard it was to not feel pretty (or even clean), to not fit into clothes (even maternity clothes), and to just plain not be comfortable at the end of this long pregnancy journey. Even someone who enjoyed it so much like I did got incredibly tired. So this time around, instead of stocking a closet full of clothes for you know who – I spend more time in the maternity sections of stores. I want to fit in my clothes in October, and to be as comfortable as possible. I look at comfy pajamas to help with impossible nights of sleep (something I never bought myself with Leah), shirts that will cover my entire belly at 39 weeks, and pants that will make me feel a lot more human and a lot less elephant. Bras that will get me through a year (plus) of nursing a little someone round the clock… and be comfortable!

I want this baby to have fun gadgets. I do. Sound machines, monitors, wipe warmers, the whole kit and caboodle. But do you know what this baby wants? He (or she) wants milk. From yours truly. And come hell or high water I’m getting the $300 breast pump I dreamed about for a year with Leah. Now, to be fair, I did have one with Leah. I borrowed my sisters and was so grateful. But I always wanted my own. Brand new. And sure enough, my sister took it back and now I have nothing. So I’ve already told Kyle… if I’m keeping his baby alive… he’s giving me 300 bucks. He thinks the price is outrageous… and it may be… but what I’m about to do… again… is the really outrageous part.

This baby is going to have a fun nursery, just like Leah. Make no mistake. It will be cute and decorated just for him (or her). It will have new furniture, soft bedding, and nik nacs on the walls. But do you know what the most important thing in his room will be? My recliner. I constantly cursed the glider we had for Leah’s room. Sure, it matched the bedding, which is what I thought I wanted at the time. But it was less than functional. Both of us barely ever fit, and I could never… never… nurse her in it. What a nightmare. Thankfully, we lived in the apartment and our room was right next door, so I could just stumble back and forth. This time… not so much. There are stairs involved. And I will have a newly ripped open midsection. The way I see it is if I am dedicating my time, sleep, and body to this darling baby… I’m going to be doing so in the most comfortable chair I can find.

Do I sound like a spoiled brat? Well, then I think I’m doing this pregnancy right. I’m not saying I’m looking to spend a million dollars, but I am looking to do better for myself than we did with Leah. And I do shop for this little one a lot to make sure he has what he “needs.” I just had no idea the task it is to grow… and then raise a baby. Now I’ve got a pretty good idea. And I’ll be ready.

Because if I’m not ready… no one makes it through the day.

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Fun Friday.

I don’t know if it was the fact that Leah woke up bright eyed and bushy-tailed at 6am. If it was the pancakes I decided to make at 6:30. The fact that we all got to eat breakfast together before Kyle went to work. The walk we had in perfect weather at 7:30am. The exceptionally chatty and happy Leah. The crazy burst of energy I’ve had. The open windows throughout the house. Or Leah’s 23 month birthday.

But man, what a fun Friday we’re having. Things are just going well around here today. Everyone is happy. No one is bored, or fussy, or sick, or moody.

I think it actually all started last night – when we had neighbors over – who had kids! And our kids got to play together! In the backyard! That’s a big deal – to have people right up the street that have kids the same age as yours. It’s funny what makes you happy at different stages in life. These particular neighbors have a 15m old boy and a 3y old girl – so Leah is smack in the middle. So fun. And she actually initiated a lot of the playing, a lot of fun to watch. She initiates playing by going up to someone and standing beside them, sometimes trying to hug them. Pretty sweet – and awkward. But hey, usually it works. Maybe we should all do that. She had a lot of fun swinging with the little girl and showing her different things. Thank goodness we put a swing set up! Hopefully there are lots more nights like that in our future.

So we just woke up happy.

Normally when Leah wakes up exceptionally early I roll over and pretend I don’t hear her. Today my first reaction was, “pancakes!” And even they turned out perfect. Which doesn’t always happen with my pancakes. We’ve been going up since then. And Kyle tells me he has a surprise for me when he gets home – you know what that means – a brownie from work!

Did you catch the part about Leah being 23 months old. Today is a very weird day for me. I keep seeing June 7th on my phone and having a slight heart attack. Sometimes I swear I read July and I’ve missed her birthday. Sometimes I think I’m going to have a baby in a month. Sometimes I have crazy flashbacks to two years ago when I was the size of a whale and preparing to get her out. And then mostly I think I’ve got a big party to get ready for in a month!

She’s gonna be two! And I am loving me a two year old. Mainly because I don’t have to say how many “months” old she is anymore. I can just say, “two.” Or better, she can say “two.” Do people actually say 23 months? Or 24 months? The “months” ages really drive me nuts; always have. You have to, I get it, especially when they’re little because every month means something new. But now, she’s just two. And doing what two year olds do. And I love her. And am so ready for her party.

The other baby is 19 weeks. And likes to move! Oh boy, do we have another one?!?!? There were a couple weeks where I couldn’t figure out if he moved less than Leah. Nope, I don’t think he does. Maybe some days, but he’s really picking up the pace. He definitely moves at different times. Leah was up with me at 6am kicking and going crazy. This little guy likes to stay up laaaate and I don’t really hear from him in the morning until about 10. Ha. Lazy bum. I used to get worried about this, but now I’ve figured out his pattern so I rest a little easier. And when he gets going… woah. And I smile like I smiled with Leah – love it more than anything. 19 weeks means we are on the verge of finding out if “he” is indeed a he or perhaps another “she.” I’ve gone back and forth a lot – for now – until the ultrasound I’m sticking with boy. Kyle’s stuck on girl. What say you? I’m so excited to find out – and also to find out that he’s healthy and perfect. Would you join us in that prayer? I love that people can wait to find out until their born, and I get a little jealous of the feeling that must be. But I just can’t do it. No way.

I’m so excited about either. I know some people really want one or the other – but gosh I’d be so excited if we had another girl! Or a boy! Or some new gender no ones ever had before! I just want a baby! A girl means a sister. And two little chatty things running around with pig tails. A boy means a buddy for Kyle and everything new. Just tell me there’s a baby in my belly and I’ll love it.

That’s where we are today. Have a good weekend.

 

 

 

 

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Getting Prepared.

What a weekend.

This mama was sick. And let me tell you, it is hard to be sick and to be pregnant at the same time. Each is exhausting – add them together and you might as well kill me.

But, I’m not hear to talk about that! I was sick, I almost died, I’m slightly better today – that sums up that.

One thing we (Kyle) did over the weekend was begin the great room switch! Well, begin and end I guess, since it’s all finished. We (Kyle) combined the guest bedroom and the office together and emptied out the guest bedroom for… the baby! We’re finally getting somewhere you guys!

I feel so behind with this baby. Already. Ugh. With Leah, we had the car seat and stroller, a closet full of clothes, bottles, a monitor, furniture, everything. She could have come at 20 weeks and we would have been completely prepared for her. This little guy has three measly outfits hanging in his closet. Now, so I don’t feel too horrible, you should know that with Leah we got most of the above items for Christmas. And we have had no gift giving holiday’s with this baby. No one bought him anything for Memorial Day. Rats. And we already have the car seat and stroller. And we have to wait to find out the sex before we can buy the furniture. So, really, I’m not that bad of a mom. And we are making progress.

He has a room! And three outfits! That kind of made it seem real. To have a big open space that needs to be filled. Somewhere I can go in and check on and dream in – just as I did with Leah’s. Somewhere to stare at empty walls and design in my head and slowly fill. It’s getting fun, ya’ll. There’s really a baby coming.

Leah also loves the open space, she likes going in there, exclaiming, “baby!” and then running circles and jumping and somersaulting. Duncan likes to sit and look out the window. Oh, what will they do when that room is filled with things… and… the baby?!

Another thing we (this time I) did this weekend was get Grandma all lined up for the big arrival. Thank God for mom, right? This baby has a 99% chance of coming on November 1, 2013. Write that down in your calendars. Scheduled C-Sections make things so easy! Unless of course, he comes early and on his own. Then. Well, crap. (PS, Kyle has his next test October 31 – hollllla)! But either way, I told my mom to come now and plan to leave in January and that should about cover it! I let her know that she could stay in the basement and we’d ring a bell when we need her then she can return down after she’s done what we asked of her. Sounds good, right? I thought so. No really, she’ll come a couple days before and leave a couple days after. And she’ll even have a bed. But she’ll have to share with Duncan. Talk about making it seem real! Having that kind of plan was almost too much for me. I suddenly felt very behind.

In so many ways, I feel like preparing for this birth is a million times more complicated. Sure with Leah it was overwhelming. We didn’t really know what to expect. There were tons of questions. But there was just two of us. This time we know what to expect… kind of. We know how to have a baby… but not so much how to have a baby and a toddler and a dog. Now I’ve got to get the two of us ready… and Leah… and Duncan… and make sure it all goes smoothly.

But I’m excited for Leah. So, so excited. Kids need a sibling so bad. Someone to grow up with. Someone to watch. Someone to talk to when they don’t talk to mom or dad. Gosh, she’s gonna love it. She’ll probably be jealous some, hate him (or her) some, hit him some, take things, throw things, and whine. But she’ll love him (or herrrr), too. She’ll help and she’ll hug and she’ll feed and she’ll play. She’ll share and she’ll be sweet and she’ll just love it.

And Duncan, well I have no idea what he’ll do. He’ll probably sniff and steal toys and lick spit up or something equally gross. But he’s a very good big brother. I have very high confidence in him. I’m imagining him going groggily (it’s a word) to all the nightly feedings with me. We’ll see.

Sometime in the next twenty two weeks I need to work on getting them both prepared. I’ve got big plans for Leah for the big day (Grandma get ready), and some minor plans along the way. I’m thinking a book or two for Leah and… well… something for Duncan. Maybe I can steal someones baby for an afternoon. I’m kiddddingg.

Leah’s catching on very quick. She knows there is a baby, she knows where the room is, she knows where the clothes are, and she has added him to the prayer list at night (that list is out of control).

Duncan is oblivious. But he’ll get there.

We’re on a pretty good roll right now. These next five months are packed full though, and time isn’t slowing down.

Yikes.

 

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