Selfish.

You know what’s different about this pregnancy? You know, besides… everything.

I’ve started to really realize how different I am approaching this little baby’s impending arrival.

My mind is working differently, my thoughts are not where they once were… I’ve turned…

Selfish!

Gasp!

With Leah – I wanted her to have the world waiting for her when she came out. The cutest clothes, the softest bedding, the most expensive gadgets – the best we could give her, I wanted her to have.

And this little baby; listen, little baby. I love you. A lot. And I want you to have great clothes and soft bedding and nice toys. I want the world waiting for you as well. But your sister filled me in on a pretty big secret. You, my friend, are going to rock my world when you come out. And I need to be ready for you.

I. Myself. Me.

I need the best gadgets, the softest bedding, and the most practical clothes.

I do.

You need very little.

You will require my time, and my patience, and my boobs. That’s about it.

And maybe a blanket.

And I will be outnumbered for the better part of every single day by you, your big sister, and your crazy brother. And I will fill you in on another secret… well, I forgot it. But it’s something about Happy Wife, Happy Life. (Only not a wife in your case…).

So I’ve started really shifting my focus, out of necessity. I remember how hard it was to not feel pretty (or even clean), to not fit into clothes (even maternity clothes), and to just plain not be comfortable at the end of this long pregnancy journey. Even someone who enjoyed it so much like I did got incredibly tired. So this time around, instead of stocking a closet full of clothes for you know who – I spend more time in the maternity sections of stores. I want to fit in my clothes in October, and to be as comfortable as possible. I look at comfy pajamas to help with impossible nights of sleep (something I never bought myself with Leah), shirts that will cover my entire belly at 39 weeks, and pants that will make me feel a lot more human and a lot less elephant. Bras that will get me through a year (plus) of nursing a little someone round the clock… and be comfortable!

I want this baby to have fun gadgets. I do. Sound machines, monitors, wipe warmers, the whole kit and caboodle. But do you know what this baby wants? He (or she) wants milk. From yours truly. And come hell or high water I’m getting the $300 breast pump I dreamed about for a year with Leah. Now, to be fair, I did have one with Leah. I borrowed my sisters and was so grateful. But I always wanted my own. Brand new. And sure enough, my sister took it back and now I have nothing. So I’ve already told Kyle… if I’m keeping his baby alive… he’s giving me 300 bucks. He thinks the price is outrageous… and it may be… but what I’m about to do… again… is the really outrageous part.

This baby is going to have a fun nursery, just like Leah. Make no mistake. It will be cute and decorated just for him (or her). It will have new furniture, soft bedding, and nik nacs on the walls. But do you know what the most important thing in his room will be? My recliner. I constantly cursed the glider we had for Leah’s room. Sure, it matched the bedding, which is what I thought I wanted at the time. But it was less than functional. Both of us barely ever fit, and I could never… never… nurse her in it. What a nightmare. Thankfully, we lived in the apartment and our room was right next door, so I could just stumble back and forth. This time… not so much. There are stairs involved. And I will have a newly ripped open midsection. The way I see it is if I am dedicating my time, sleep, and body to this darling baby… I’m going to be doing so in the most comfortable chair I can find.

Do I sound like a spoiled brat? Well, then I think I’m doing this pregnancy right. I’m not saying I’m looking to spend a million dollars, but I am looking to do better for myself than we did with Leah. And I do shop for this little one a lot to make sure he has what he “needs.” I just had no idea the task it is to grow… and then raise a baby. Now I’ve got a pretty good idea. And I’ll be ready.

Because if I’m not ready… no one makes it through the day.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Selfish.

  1. A-MEN!! Seriously…I think this is fantastic. Good for you! It was extremely painful for me to pay the $300 for the pump I got but I would probably pay double for it knowing what I know now. A year (or however long one is nursing) is a long time to have someone attached to these things so you gotta be happy about the products you’re using on them! I’ll be doing some things different my next go around too…starting with giving myself a little more credit and attention! On a side note: I know there aren’t BuyBuyBaby stores out there so if you find the pump you’re looking for and want to get it from them, I get 20% off coupons in the mail (for one reg. priced item)….so let me know and I can share! Or I believe BabiesRUs will price match? 20% off a $300 pump is a significant amount….it made me feel a little better when I bought mine. 🙂

  2. Awesome, thanks for the offer! However, I found out that my insurance company does in fact cover them!! How freaking sweet is that?!

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