Just like so many days before, Leah and I shared in yet another doctor’s appointment today. A couple times lately, I’ve been able to schedule them late enough so that Kyle can stay at home with her and I can go by myself – which is nice in theory, and definitely easier – but I must admit, I kinda like having her with me more. She’s pretty funny, and she gets really excited by anything doctor. She loves to “check on the baby” as we call it, and loves to hear her heartbeat. The times when Kyle did stay home with her I lied and told her I was going to the grocery store (to which she gave me a list of: blueberries, grapes, orange juice, hot dogs, noodles, and coffee). I just couldn’t bare to tell her I had to go to the doctor because I knew that she would want to come. Then I felt bad for lying. Needless to say… I was happy to have her back with me today.
We go through a whole process. First, she asks to run to the elevator. Then she must “push da budon.” Then she counts the doctors on the flier in the elevator (there’s three), then she jumps. Then we stop by the drinking fountain before going into the office. Next we wait and read books. Then the real fun starts. She makes sure I get my cup to pee in, and once we actually get in the bathroom she hands it to me and says, “here ya go, mommy!” Then she ever so awkwardly watches me. Then she tells me to put it in the little window, “right here, mommy”, however, today she made sure to say, “that’s a wotta potty mommy! A wot!” Then we go wait and I hand her snack after snack so she’ll sit in the chair by herself. She listens intently to Quinn’s heartbeat and covers her ears and says it’s “too woud.” Then I give her my phone to shut her up while the doctor comes in. Then we go schedule the next appointment and she unashamedly asks for not one, but two stickers. And we leave.
See what I mean… difficult… yet entertaining. All that to say…
We only have one more left. We’ve been doing this routine since February, and next week the fun will all be over. Kinda crazy, right? So how about that heartbeat that’s always, “too woud?” Well – today it was 175. 175! That sparked comments from both the nurse and the doctor. The nurse said, “wow, she’s not settling down anytime soon is she??” You see, they’re supposed to get so big they can’t move as much… my girls just make more room at their mother’s expense. Then the doctor said, “looks like she’s got a really strong heartbeat.” She’s got a strong something alright. Or a strong everything. It was a fun appointment for that and many more reasons, though. She gave me the rundown on our rules for getting to the hospital and what they’ll do before, during and after. When I might leave, etc. Again, kinda crazy that this is all going down next week.
So in this next jam packed week – what’s a family to do?? Well, Kyle will study. He’s already stewing, God help us all. He has a pattern with these tests; I’ve picked up on it over the years. In the beginning, he’s just overwhelmed by all the new material. He says things like, “this is just all so different from anything else.” Then he gets into it a little more and starts worrying about just the sheer volume of it all and wondering how he’s going to be able to get himself ready. Then he hits the point where the test is close, but he still has some time. This is when it’s hardest… for me. He gets so hard on himself for not knowing more than he does and says things like, “I don’t know how I’m going to be ready.” To which I say things like, “just keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll get there.” (Because I know the pattern now). And, “You can’t possibly study any more than you are, just a little longer, you’ll get it.” Which is true. And now we’re in the last phase… when the test is close and anxiety is at it’s peak. He is consumed by “I hope I know enough,” and, “what’s going to be on this stupid thing?!” And I say things like, “you’ve been working your tail off, you got this,” and, “you can do it, put your back into it,” and, “our prayers are that you’re learning the right things for your test,” and, “do you wanna go walk around Target?” (You know, to help with the stewing). It’s in this last phase, though, that I get to see some glimmers of hope. He’s still incredibly hard on himself, but sometimes he will come downstairs half excited and feeling confident in himself. Those little moments give me reason to breathe and know that he is the smartest guy on the planet and he will be fine. But just know, as excited as I am for this little (gigantic) bean to come out and say hello next week… we (Kyle) first has to get through this monster of a test. So go ahead and start praying that he has been studying exactly what he needs to pass this thing. And that the little moments of confidence will increase ten-fold (or a million fold) by this time next week.
And then while he does all the work, Leah and I will lay low. And probably make cookies. I need to get a master grocery list together to get ready for next week when Nana comes… and the week after that… when we’re home with two little girls! I have a few more dinners I want to make ahead. I need to get the house a little more in order. All little things – but they must get done so that when Friday rolls around I can just think about having a baby and not how much laundry is on the floor at home. Or that Nana and Leah are starving.
Eeeek. One more doctor’s appointment!
This is what I deal with.